Monday, September 26, 2011

Running out of steam

As we walked into the airport today, I was filled with urge to just fly away somewhere. Of course, we didn’t have any passports on us so we couldn’t go out of the country, but I so badly want a change of place. Sure, we went to Hyderabad and that was, okay, because I hardly spent any time outside (and I really miss the place and hated the hot Chennai sun when we got back), but I really, really, really, really, want to go somewhere – somewhere that SCREAMS different from Chennai.

Somebody’s pictures from their Scotland trip have not helped X(. In fact, they might be the catalyst behind this sudden urge. I don’t even mind going to Coonoor once again, I JUST WANT SOME CHANGE. I just wished we could forget our trip back to Chennai and instead be really impulsive, buy some tickets and scoot off. In VERY recent history, such impulsiveness has not paid off, but I just love being impulsive anyway.

So here I am, back in the office. Apparently, I look terrible. Not surprising considering I barely slept last night and slept fitfully thanks to ‘IT’ by Stephen King. I must really stop reading things just because they happen to be on the Kindle. Finally decided to put an end to this really meandering, brain-damage-inducing hulk of a book by reading the plot summary on Wikipedia. I am SO glad I did that.

I have been ‘training’ people – two different sessions on the same topic – the banking and financial services domain. The one-eyed king teaches the blind. This is the fourth training that I’m doing and I’ve discovered with considerable surprise that I *can* manage public speaking. Of course, this still constitutes training people who for the most part are completely clueless and I think I might die of fright if I were speaking in front of people like my manager or M’s manager. In the first one, I did put two-three people to sleep, the ones that were the farthest away from me -- but having been in their shoes more times than I can count, I only empathized with how I must’ve made my professors feel. On Thursday, which was the first of four sessions, a fellow MBA and new colleague also joined the session and I was jittery as this would be the first time I’d be judged by someone at my level or close. I don’t feel comfortable doing these sessions because I’ve never really traded and I often feel that I’m talking about things that I only know in theory. But then, what did you call a ‘consultant’ anyway?

However, in spite of putting a few people to sleep, I was told that I did a decent job save for going a little fast. And the new colleague told me that I was in the wrong profession and that I should be a teacher AND something about how intelligent I sounded (which reminds me again of school with Zai saying that I look like the girl who sits in the first bench but doesn’t understand anything K ) ! That really made my day. On Friday, I spoke to a batch that was right out of college and managed to engage a few people without putting anyone to sleep.

I pulled a Peemmi on Friday too, but Alhamdulillah, thanks to an honest auto-wallah everything turned out okay. Left for the airport, spent some time with Neesha and her hoozband who were also at the airport. Everything considered, the weekend barely managed to reach the ‘okay’ level, and I still feel really sad that I didn’t get any quality time at home. Poor Ammaarah was sick, though she still looked adorable in her Dora-like haircut, and spent most of the time moping. I miss her so much… and my mommy and my daddy and my sooster… sniff :’( Met many cozins and aunts and uncles at Ammaarah’s bismillah but didn’t get to spend much time with them.

I’ve lost the constructive streak I’d picked up in Ramadhan and the disappointment is pulling me down further. There is so much I want to get done, but my motivation is sliding. Sigh.

Last week was overwhelming so I hope this week will be better.

Goodbye of you.


D said...

I pulled a Peemmi on Friday too, but Alhamdulillah, thanks to an honest auto-wallah everything turned out okay
I want to hear more ... :D

And why don't the 2 of you find some nice hill station near Chennai and plan a weekend getaway ?!

Zari said...

Yeah, of all the things I said, that had to be the one that you wanted to hear more about! X(

Yes, you're putting ideas into head. Shall, insha'allah.

Sophist said...

I want to go away too! Restless already. Keep twitching my feet like a crazy person.

You could drive this weekend to Mahabalipuram or Pondicherry, or Yercaud?

Zari said...

Hah! After such an amazing trip, that's not allowed :P

Done both 'Mahabs' and Pondicherry, nothing's really different about those places. The weather is exactly like Chennai.

I'd forgotten about Yercaud though. Have something planned for this weekend, hope that works out!