Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Notes to myself

Just thought I'd write in... need to get rid of the busy-ness in my brain. I should really stop jumping from article to article on the net – especially when I keep formulating to-dos after reading each one of them. I was reading a book called 'Mental Traps' the other day in the office library (such a peaceful place) and it said that procrastination is usually because you think you have this unending list of unfinished business... and often you're doing nothing and you want to continue doing nothing... which then becomes a task, a 'do-nothing' that you don't want to interrupt, and therefore you go on procrastinating K

 

A teensy weensy bit worried about M. P bhai collapsed two days ago due to an unruptured brain aneurysm and M has been the go-to man for everything for P bhai's family. Z bhai is there to help too now, but what with M being so sincere about work, so sincere about helping everyone by going out of his way, no wonder he's so stressed out. He said it was all the driving that was making it worse and he's feeling better now that he's at home. Shall pamper him tonight insha'allah.

 

From time to time, I keep thinking of P bhai. He's the most active, one of the most fun to talk to people I know, and it's difficult to imagine him having fits or being unconscious. I can't imagine what that's like – how would he feel when he wakes up and knows that he has no idea what happened in the past few days? Of how his family is losing sleep over him, or how his stretcher was pushed into the ambulance with loud thunks as the metal rods hit the back of the ambulance... I couldn't quite get that out of my mind... his having no idea that so many people were watching, how he couldn't feel the pain that a normal person would on being jerked around like that...

 

... and a scary thought... what if our waking lives are like that? That we'll actually wake up only on the Day of Judgment and realize we were sleepwalking through life? Ya Allah... wake us up please, such helplessness just brought home how utterly dependent we are on you, Allah ta'ala... for every single breath. Ya Allah, help us in giving thanks, help us in being grateful for what we have, help us in being human beings who practice ihsan. Ya Allah, give us strength, contentment and a generous heart. Ya Allah, let no moment of ours be free of the knowledge that we are in constant need of you, Ya Allah please bestow your mercy on us and keep us on the straight path.

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