Thursday, November 16, 2017


Today was a rough day.

I was up several times last night because something, Allah knows what, was bothering N. This was the last morning I'd get to myself before we fly out, but I went back to bed, and woke up, unhappy and irritated, then I had to cook lunch. Called up the parents hoping they. could cheer me up to find out Baba was sick and his symptoms were alarming. The kids came home, played, slept, I normally put away my phone but didn't want to today and that made things worse I guess. I was sleep deprived, worried, stressed and now highly irritable with the interruptions that seemingly never end. S was doing her best to push all my buttons, and when I asked her why, she said I was ignoring her. Ya Allah. I tried not ignoring her, but I just didn't have any patience in me. N threw a fit when she couldn't carry the shopping bags home, so as I carried her and pushed the stroller, I left S behind me as I crossed the road. I remembered halfway but luckily a couple behind me were walking along with her. I don't know what he saw but he asked me to stop, and now I remember thinking, what is it, what did I drop now that you're going to stop and correct me for, but he said let me carry that stroller for you and he took it up the steps, and I thanked him about three times and he brushed it off. And he was Indian. Serves me right for vilifying Indian men in my head, even as I have so many good, decent Indian men in my life. 

I have projects that I need to and want to work on, but I don't get around to them. The vacation is coming up, but it doesn't feel like a vacation to me so far, even as I look forward to meeting the parents. I'm crying now. Apparently writing *is* cathartic. Of course it's 12.30 so my brain is reminding me I'll regret staying up later. I would love to have two days, two days would probably be all I could even stand at this point, two days to myself. To work, to read, just be, no interruptions, just peace and quiet and while we're dreaming: comfort food that has negative calories. 

A zillion things are calling out to me as I write this: you still haven't exercised, your skin is flared up, you're being ungrateful. I want to turn off that voice and relax. I told M when he called on the way home, that I was going to run away when he got home. I should have done that. 

Maybe those are my lessons for the day: 1. Stop comparing yourself with people on your social media, maybe chuck it altogether 2. Be present even if it's difficult because not doing it makes things worse. 3. Take a proper break, not hiding in the bathroom and feeling guilty about it. 4. Breathe and find things to be grateful for.

1. Good Samaritan
2. ‎beautiful shoes
3. ‎that I wrote this post uninterrupted
Alhamdulillah Alaa kulli haal.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Updates and our trip to Bandung

- Nu, you're up to some real naughty stuff these days. You'll come and tell me daddy maare/daddy sataye or S did it with this upset face and then when I ask you, Aap kya kare? you'll suddenly smile and cover your mouth and say: main na... main na S ku kick kari or main na... main na 7 dabadi :D I just burst out laughing instead of getting mad at you! 

- you're also extremely violent, you'll just go and whack S for no reason or pull her hair, even when she's sleeping. I have no idea how to put an end to it. Your didi while she sometimes shuts you out of the room or pushes you away sometimes, she is on the whole very tolerant 

- Sa, you're learning to solve simple addition/subtraction problems in school  and surprised me yesterday when I asked you about the number of available seats would change if we sat down in the upper deck. ma sha Allah, barakAllahu feeki. BUT then today we got your report card and while your performance is good, your teacher said, 'needs more guidance to remain focused' and 'needs to write numbers properly' (because your 2s and 3s tend to face the wrong way). Sometimes when you get them right and I congratulate you, you tell me you checked the numbers against the clock :D Think that was your teacher's idea initially  but you still do it! 

- Ramadan is coming! I meant to write about our trip to Bandung but never got down to it. 

Day 1 ( Sat.) : Leave home at 2.30, reach on time but thanks to crowds and visa (why didn't they charge us for our visa on arrival?) reach the exit only at 5.30. Meet our driver Mr. Nuri and get into the car only to get stuck in traffic and reach the hotel by 7ish. We freshen up and leave for Cihampelas: a place to buy jeans, cheap t-shirts etc. We want to have dinner and finally walk into a mall where we eat at... something Rajah restaurant. There's Kung Pow (spelling?) and Hong-Kong chicken or something. Delicious stuff. End of dinner soured by people  smoking at a nearby table. Smoking and traffic: the only two things that I hated during our trip. 

Day 2: Wake up early, (actually 1 hour earlier than we had to because of the time difference), have a buffet breakfast  and leave for Kawai Putih with Mr. Nuri. He knows some shortcuts but we're still on the road for 3 hours or more before we get close. Like all the reviews I read on TripAdvisor, I agree, the drive is worth it. We get caught in the rain, Sarah plays with a bottle of bubble soap, next stop:Glamping Rancabali. it's pouring rain and the restaurant-on-a-ship is full with a huge crowd waiting. We're too hungry to wait, and Mr. Nuri takes us to Kampung Strawberry where we eat some yummy Mee Goreng and Chicken Satay (I had the same dish maybe three times during that trip?).We get some photos at a tiiiiiiiiny strawberry farm next door. We then leave for the deer farm. The kids enjoy feeding the deer, then there are hot springs next door but S just walks a little in the shallows. A Minion helium balloon is bought which seems pretty creepy and  lifelike in our photos.  We begin the journey back to the hotel but decide to stop at a Rabbit garden Mr. Nuri points out. Very scenic place, with aggressive rabbits running around looking for food. Loved it. Then after what seems like years we reach home (Imagine fighting 3 hours of traffic and heaving a sigh of relief at the sight of the city, only to immediately get caught in city traffic! And to top that, Mr. Nuri tells us he got us from the less busy route!) We order room service , and the food wasn't half as good as we'd beem having outside. We collapsed and then woke up relatively later the next day. 

Day 3: Checking out, breakfast, office work cause delays and we finally leave around 11. First stop:, Farmhouse at Lembang. Due to a family emergency, we have a new driver, an extremely patient man but who speaks no English. We spend hours in bumper to bumper traffic to get to the Farmhouse. The traffic to Kawai Putih at least was moving. This was bad, considering we were still recovering from Day 2. When we finally get out of the car, I realise I sat on a melting Toblerone and now have so much chocolate smeared on the seat of my grey abayah. I figure I'll just go to the restroom and wash it off. Only the farmhouse is about a 10 minute walk away and there I walk in front of so many people with a huge brown smear... Alhamdulillah it didn't leave any stains after washing. 

(part 2 to be continued iA. Too exhausted. ) 

Friday, April 7, 2017


I miss writing here. This might be a short one... 

Nu, you're 21 months old. Every time someone asks me your age, I think of saying 18. You're growing up so fast. You talk so much. I'm trying to teach you everyone's names and you just keep saying everyone's name is my name :/. Finally, you recognise yourself and name yourself! I love how you're so good at recognising patterns, waving to a taxi, telling the taxi driver our destination...Barakallahu feeki. You are a pretty complex person now so it's not so easy to describe you but let me try harder... you are really affectionate with me, hugging me with gentle pats, kissing me... melty-me! You try to comfort S too when she's crying saying "issokay S" but of course you guys love to quarrel with each other. You can even complain S maare now :D you're very good with saying thanks, and often tell me thanksies mummam hai yeh. Both you and S loooooove babies, and S is often introducing you to people or introducing babies to you. She's a very nice big sister like that :D

S, you're all about drawing, writing and demoing stuff. Like you were born to be a TV presenter :D your Shz heartbreak is slowly healing with your two friends from Qur'an class. But everytime we take you away from your friends, it makes you so angry! Last week you made a couple of story books and I hope you'll continue to write and not declare, "books are boring! i want to watch TV! " like you did the other day! (facepalm). You still like Fancy Nancy and will read those kinds of books by yourself after we get them from the library. Pasir Ris and Sunplaza parks are still your most favourite places to play as is the PR library (and a biiig favourite with me too) . Now if they could just move the library to the beach, and we could stay right beside it... :D #jannahgoals 

Both of you loooooove cats, love singing taiyo taiyo, climbing on your dad when he gets home,  love playing footsie, jumping on the bed, pointing out tamtam!, going to the park, looking at pets near Prata Wala <3,  I loooove you both... so much. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

day 18

Alhamdulillah for 
1. the Singapore government for making Festive Mall :D
2. easy bedtimes 
3. hugs,  old Chang kee, pasha saab selfies 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

day 17

Alhamdulillah for
1. <3 conversations 
2. at least S has gone to bed 
3. for the hope that Nu will eventually fall asleep today 

Monday, January 16, 2017

day 16

Alhamdulillah for
1. Qur'an 
2. generous friends (T&shz farewell party) 
3.  Alhamdulillah decent back to school day for Sarah what with tilawati

Sunday, January 15, 2017

day 15

Alhamdulillah for
1. retail therapy (instant tudungs <3) 
2. pasto box (really,  really, really need to stop the bingeing though) 
3. safety and peace,  alhamdulillah